Sunday, March 10, 2013

No one went to jail.

This story is 100% TRUE.

The other night, I was driving my car.

Driving is normal, except when your backseat is crammed with household items and your front seat is full of three grown women.

I got pulled over for having a headlight out. Not a big deal, right? Except one of us - not me - has a bench warrant for not paying traffic fines.

The cop came up to the window and asked for my ID. I gave it to him. Then he asked who the other ladies were. I was freaking out. I said, all quiet, "Uh, these are my friends and that one is moving," pointing to Alli.

He asked for their IDs. The one with the warrant stuttered and mumbled. I said, "Oh crap, didn't you leave your wallet at home? I remember seeing it on the table." She continued to mumble. "Oh yeah," she said. "I left it on the table."

The one without the warrant said, "I left mine at home."

He took their names and birthdates and went back to his car.

We all lit up cigarettes and started trying to figure out what we were gonna do. We figured out that we had $1100 in the bank, between all three of us, which would be enough to get Ms. Warrant out of jail.

We sat there for what seemed like ever, freaking out.

Suddenly another cop car pulled up. "FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

It drove up next to us and then in front of us, and after a pause of what seemed like EVER, it pulled away. Ten seconds later, the cop behind me came back to the car, practically threw my license at me, and said "No citation, drive safe."

WE GOT AWAY WITH IT.

I drove off, really carefully, and then we all started freaking out even worse. "HOLY FUCK! We got away with it! YOU AREN'T GOING TO JAIL!"

We couldn't stop talking about it. We felt like we had just gotten away with a bank heist. No one went to jail and I didn't even get a ticket!

This isn't real life, folks. This is not how real life works.

We concluded that we must have been caught in a time warp.